Some harrowing descriptions of the workhouse by Ruby in 5B and Mia in 5D and an extremely persuasive letter from Noah in 5W.
Ruby 5B
Mia 5D
Noah 5W
Some harrowing descriptions of the workhouse by Ruby in 5B and Mia in 5D and an extremely persuasive letter from Noah in 5W.
Ruby 5B
Mia 5D
Noah 5W
Noah, that letter to Tesco is awesome. I loved how you
used high quality vocabulary.
Ruby, I am very impressed with your metaphors and similes here. The description of the shadow is terrifying, it really comes alive!
Wow! Noah this is amazing you should deffenately keep on writing.
will tesco reply
Amazing. Good vocabulary.
Hey Ruby,
Great description!
I love how you described Mrs Slay especially the part where it says ‘her bun was scrunched up like her face’. 🙂
Improve HQV and handwriting, I know my handwriting is not great but you could improve it because it was hard to read .
🙂 Hoped this help,cya’ya.
thanks for the advice! I will add those things in my next story!
Hi! Ruby it’s good but I don’t really get it and great HQV and adjectives.?!To much mistakes.Get better soon.!?(!?).
-Campbell.
Thanks for your advice but i don’t understand what you mean when you say ‘i don’t get it’ so can i have more description pls
;-\
Ruby did very well i like it.
Next time be a bit neater.
I would like you to write a story about bobby spooner.
You used very good volcaburay. Use the word puenutromoliesmicroscopicorvolcanicageousnolioasis.(Its a disease.)
i will write a story about ‘bobby spoon er’
I think I should reduce how long my paragraphs are! What do you think?
Ruby, I love the description of the workhouse and great HQV,
adjectives and ‘As if’ sentences, however try and make your work a bit neater, use a few different sentence structures and finally try and shorten your paragraphs.
Well done ruby I love your descriptive writing and high vocabulary.
One thing you could improve is your handwriting and you could add more similes.
🙂 :):)######keep up the great work.
This is cool Ruby,great hqv. Maybe more similes.
I really like your descriptive writting.
I really like your neat handwrittng.
Next time you could improve your HQV.
Star:I love how you used descriptive writing.
Star:You used very neat handwriting also lots of punctuation.
Wish:You could have used more descriptive of the girl and less
of the workhouse.
Amazing piece of writing. you should use more HQV.
Hey Ruby, good job.
Your writing is fantastic!
I like how you said “To Harry, life was hell.”
I would improve your handwriting and HQV.
I hope this is helpful. 😉
Mia,I really like your description. I like how much adjectives you used and the different sentence structures.Maybe you could have given a little less description of the character and more of the workhouse.
. This is an amazing start Ruby
. Very good adjectives
. To make it even better, you can improve your handwriting
Hi Ruby, this is really good I like your use of HQV but i think you could improve on not making to many mistakes and try not to go over the top with personification other than that it’s brilliant…
-Maya
Wow Ruby ,your description is amazing , great HQV. You can improve handwriting. BELIVE IN YOURSELF.
Ruby your work is O.P I love the description your a great writer keep up the work I can’t wait to see your next piece of work.
it could be a little neater but there’s always something to improve.
😮 shocked face
🙂 happy face
Fantastic writing Ruby. I like how you said “It was as if she had forgotten how to be happy and how to smile.”
*Personification
*Sentences using “as if”
/*~~(That is a wish) Try using more similes and metaphors.
This is a great description,ruby, make parahgarhs shorter and great adjectives of workhouse.
Ruby , the thing I most like about your work is that it makes me feel like I’m the min character. The thing I would improve is your your writing.
Ruby, I love your variety of sentence structures and I could really paint a picture in my head because of your descriptive setting . For a use of constructive criticism, I’d say that you could improve on your character description because I could really paint the setting however I couldn’t build the character and reduce the length of your paragraphs.
(Remember new paragraph for new place, time and person)
well done Ruby:-)
You really gave me a image of your character and the workhouse.
Also your HQV is great and your personification.
The thing I would improve is you need more simile and metaphor.
Ruby you will become a great author from Eashan.
your AMAZING!!!
Thanks Eashan! I really hope i become an author when i grow up!(believe…believe…) 😉
Hi Ruby,
I really like your description. It really made me feel like it was happening. Great HQV and I like your use of a hyphen. Maybe next time you could improve your handwriting because it was it was hard to read. I hope this was helpful I can’t wait to see your next piece of work.:-)
To Ruby,
Well Done!
Keep up the good work.
You should turn this piece of writing into a novel and I would be your number 1 fan! Believe in yourself! I Believe in you!
Fab letter Noah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-}
😉
🙂
Good comment Karol
Hi Karol like your comments
1ST FAN……………………………….YA. i mean 99095WOWS(DONT KNOW THE NUMBER UUUU12333?) WHATS YOUR NEXT AMAZING STORY???????????pleas reply
RUBY I’M YOUR NO.1 FAN
Good comment Karol
Hi Karol like your comments
Hi Noah, your writing is amazing, but maybe try next time to do better handwriting.
Well Done, Noah! Great persuading! I really enjoyed reading it! Allot of great HQV and good use of adjectives! Maybe next time improve your handwriting.
I LOVE your work, although i think you could improve your handwriting by practising.
wow Noah that was an absolutely outstanding piece of work I loved the description next time I would improve your HANDWRITING.
I think your work is good noah can you please improve your handwriting lovely peace of work i like it.
Good work Mia nice adjectives and good description of the workhouse but neater handwriting
from Oliver .
I LOVE your work but you could use better handwriting.
well done Noah! You did a great description and allot of amazing HQV! Great persuading! Maybe next time you could improve on your hand writing. well done!!
I love the vocabulary you used in your work Noah. You have changed my mind about Tesco.I shall always look at the deals just in case it is a scam.Next time how about you write a letter to David Walliams about his books:).
It would be EVEN better if you put in some better sentence openers.:)
Now i have sure changed my mind about Tesco.
Well done Noah your work was amazing but i think it could have been a little bit longer. 🙂
I loved your description Mia. I liked your description of the workhouse. IT WAS GREAT!! Maybe you could describe how your parents died.
Ruby 5W:)
great comment
Noah that is amazing. I loved your bossy verbs.Mabye next time you could explain it a bit more. Can not wait for the next one!
From Jez.
WOW Noah nice handwriting and really good hqv keep up the good work because that was amazing. Next time you can do a ad same ad sentence. And i love how you say superstores are not super anymore lol keep it up.
you are amasing at writing #best writer
EXTREMELY GOOD WORK!MIA your writing is very clear and I love it:)
WOW!!! Noah I really enjoyed your work i love that you used alot of hqv and you could improve your hand writing hope tesco reply
Very neat
I think your work is good noah can you please improve your handwriting lovely peace of work i like it i would like to see can you add like how the people feel that work like if they were worried because of the letter. 🙂
WOW! Noah I love your work the adjectives and similes were great but next time please improve your handwriting. Other than that it was great than it was great . You should write more blogs. 🙂
Very neat
Great story`s year five and really good handwriting .